“He did not know what love was. And he did not know what good it was. But he knew he carried it around with him, a scabrous spot of rot, of contagion, for which there was no cure.”

Constant Puyo made beautiful pictures, dark and romantic. Just what I like.

my house

Quote by Andre Gide

1/4/09: 1. insanely nice people (post office, bank, work, gym) 2. focus 3. creative output despite body weakness 4. Stevie Wonder 5. Nice hair

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Current books from the library:

Steamy Kitchen Cookbook

Apathy: A Novel

Fortune Telling with Food (seriously one of the funniest and most confusing books I’ve read)

Clyfford Still (Always going to be one of my top artists)

Cy Twombly (He’s growing on me)

History (A HUGE DK book)

Ratio ( A cookbook about ratio cooking)

Meditation for Beginners

The Gum Thief (Douglas Coupland)

Book of Thoth Tarot book (research)

Shape of Things to Come (best sculpture book around)

Barnaby Furnas (makes paint sensual)

The Kybalion (hermeticism research)

Triathlon 101

Your First Triathlon

Lives of the Artists

A Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius (gets even better second time around *currently reading)

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12/24/09: 1. hugs 2. driving alone 3. home alone 4. exhaustion 5. relief

12/25/09: 1. road trip 2. jaguars up close 3. screaming 4. relief 5. dancing with eyes closed

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Hopeful plans:

-Directive online

-Portrait series

-mix cds

-More art

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Currently Read: Lives of the Artists by Calvin Tompkins

Motivating and Intriguing. I look at renowned artists as other people look at celebrities.  I always assumed these artists just knew how to make work more efficiently, thought more productively, naturally spewing out successes over and over. And I knew that was an idealized vision, but what else would I know being a twenty three year old, not-at-all successful artist, living in a space too small and giving my time to other people and things?

It’s a relief to know that some of these internationally famous artists will sit and brood over an idea for days, months, weeks, and never really get anywhere.  To know they had failed relationships, no money at times, day jobs, and total lack of support. To know some only just figured it out at near forty. To know the legal battles they face.  It makes that life approachable, and in a way liveable.

The worst part is that I will probably forget this feeling.

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Oddly wonderful videos. Mountains and tropical plants. Top of the Pops with some random kissing and funny matching outfits. Darkness.

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12/19/09: 1. family trees 2. botany 3. cocktails 4. glasses 5. “You are Everything”

12/20/09: 1. early morning run 2. photo shoot 3. comfort and difference 4. We Feel Fine 5. Bonsai Forest

12/5/09: 1. Shortness of days 2. scrubbing and cleaning 3. drawing 4. pesto 5. future plans

12/6/09: 1. Going out for breakfast 2. library 3. Ryann 4. old photos 5. bonfire smell

12/7/09: 1. ironing 2. coffee 3. packages in the mail 4. ideas 5. sleep

12/8/09: 1. mint chip 2. watching snow 3. bookstores 4. man with snow in his hair 5. finally sleep

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Needing time to get things done, not having time to get things done.

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Currently reading: The Hermetica: the lost Wisdom of the Pharaohs, Villa Incognito-Tom Robbins (probably the first Tom Robbins I’m not completely enamored with)

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Embarrassment often hits my stubborn bone, resulting in rather righteous, irreverant behavior.

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12/2/09: 1. Darin 2. Books 3. Interview 4. forward thinking 5. options

12/3/09: 1. Interview 2. library 3. first snow flakes 4. adjusting 5. solitude.

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I had another dream last night where I woke myself up laughing. I don’t remember what was funny.

Then I had a nightmare.

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I cannot get this song out of my head.   This video is beautiful.

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Sometimes while I’m idle I experience that “butterflies in my stomach” feeling. It is not out of nervousness but rather I feel completely filled with some overwhelming joy. I’ve always associated it with falling in love which was the first real time I remember experiencing it.  But the strange thing is that I’m not falling in love with anyone now…far from it. So why this feeling so frequently?  Felt it after the library while waiting for the bus today, staring at the blue sky which might make sense since I do love the library and beautiful days.  But then again I felt it while washing coffee mugs at work yesterday.  I can’t say I enjoy washing dishes and surely can’t say I’m falling in love with washing dishes. Maybe I’m just meant to be in this place now? Have I finally made a good choice?

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New books from library:

Balancing flavors East & West by Tom Kime

Avant-Garde Photography in Germany 1919-1939 by Deren Coke

The face in the lens: Anonymous Photographs

Hot Light Half-Made Worlds: photographs from the tropics by Alex Webb

11/1/09:  1. Sleep 2. repotting and loving my growing plant ‘family’ 3. health 4. A nice looking gentleman with dark rimmed glasses and a suit shopping for vegetables (Ok, it wasn’t actually him…) 5. Calm

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I have mentioned “In A Sunburned Country” by Bill Bryson previously but I’d like to expound on the idea of Bryson and Tom Robbins as a non-fiction/fiction equivalent. Robbins always includes inane facts, facts I would never think to look up or think of period.  But these facts are one of the many reasons I devoured his books in as little time as possible. Granted, I bet I only remember a few of them from each book.  But it’s a perspective change, and stokes my curiosity. I’ve come to learn that I’m a major advocate for stock-piling information of any kind.  Now Bryson’s travel writings I wouldn’t say are full of inane facts, but they do point out information one would never think to ask before traveling. Like for instance that one of Australia’s prime ministers walked into the ocean one day and completely disappeared.  It was assumed that he drowned. It is information like this which only textures the concept of Australia in my mind, but it’s information I wouldn’t find in guidebooks or through any basic research.

I’d like to think that piling more information into my head would increase my mental agility. Sometimes I think it does, but then I realize I can’t remember what I did last week.  Just another thing to look up I guess.

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If I think of these pictures outside the concept of ‘baptism’ I become rather concerned for the well-being of the ‘dipped.’

(via LIFE archives)

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Favorite things relating to human interaction ::: being read to, reading to another, having my face touched, having my hair touched, looking at or touching shoulders, smiles from strangers, holding hands, hugging, rubbing necks, strange voices, surprises, some innocence (or childlike quality)

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Currently reading “In a Sunburned Country” by Bill Bryson. Fascinated by the idea of Australia.  Bryson writes like a non-fiction Tom Robbins.

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10/29/09: 1. Attempts 2. Max 3. library 4. frankness 5. recovery

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Mulling over concept: Life issues in two inches or less

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It's easy to be like this.

“Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired.” - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

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10/22/09:  An amazing day 1. starting and finishing three projects 2. construction 3. library books 4. making lunch (it felt so home ec today) 5. running in the rain and wind, cold but I couldn’t stop smiling

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My library books:

American Photobooth, First Works, A history of women Photographers, Life Counts, and a book of artist residencies

The best part is that I went in there with no specific books in mind.

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Grotesque tongue:

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Also, I’ve never mentioned but Sally Mann’s What Remains is one of the most beautiful monographs about nature and death. They force a raw emotional response in me.

sally mann

sally mann

“…to be responsible is to “be the author of,” each of us being thus the author of his or her own life design.  We are free to be anything but unfree: we are, Sarte would say, condemed to freedom.”

“It is here, in the idea of self-construction, where anxiety dwells: we are creatures who desire structure, and we are frightened by a concept of freedom which implies that beneath us there is nothing, sheer groundlessness.”

And on existential isolation:

“One of the great paradoxes of life is that self-awareness breeds anxiety. Fusion eradicates anxiety in a radical fashion-by eliminating self awareness. The person who has fallen in love, and entered a blissful state of merger, is not self-reflective because the questioning lonely I (and the attendant anxiety of isolation) dissolve into the we. Thus one sheds anxiety but loses oneself.”

So far the stories have been insightful- I have a better understanding of where therapists are coming from, as well as breaking down the feelings of existential isolation I have when struggling with something on my own-Basically knowing that everyone has been in a similar state. In a way going to therapy has always seemed a self-indulgent practice, client goes in to talk of their issues and get some advice from someone who could be completely affected by the very issues they have to help someone else with, someone who only returns the favor with money. Oftentimes once the client is feeling better they do not return, leaving the therapist to wonder what ever happened to them. Or so it seems to me.

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Stopped by the Haggerty Art Museum today to check out “Persian Visions: Contemporary Photography from Iran.”

It might be related to the bit of research I was involved in at the public library earlier in the day, but quite a few spectacular pieces in the show were projecting a search for identity. Ghostlike profiles, soft focus, or harsh studio lighting with a still life. I got the sense many of these photographers were working with the tumultuous history of conflict in Iran and its impact on cultural identity.

A few (hover for artist name) (all images via Haggerty Museum Flickr):

via www.artsandartists.org

A variety of other artists I cannot seem to find online at this point in time (though I did find a PDF of the Persian Visions Catalogue that is wonderful)

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9/26/09: 1. Substantial bonus 2. Kindness 3. Party Pontoon fun 4. Connections and Innovations 5. Coming home

9/27/09: 1. Google Archives 2. Vacuuming 3. Creative flow 4. Inspiration 5. Being ‘content’ to be discontented for now

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Current creative tools: springs, light bulbs, vials, elastic, feathers, leather, heavy chain

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Current book: The Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets

+++ I wish I had this book growing up. My essays, personal writing, and painting would have been more evolved.

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Note to Self: Why let other people stifle you?

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More ‘Create Your Own Adventure’ Google Life Archive Image searching introduced me to whatever Clo Euro is. As of this moment I have been unable to figure out what exactly that is -photographer? designer? style? brand?- I have no idea. But the images are decidedly winsome and beautiful.

Soft and Sturdy Hands. So Delicate.

Depth.

Winsome.

This feels very 'me' lately.

Most inspiring for a website update/shop banner.

Fabulous.

Also: Carl Jung’s The Red Book comes out in December…I’d like to see the pictures up close. They look spectacular.